So I am not a broken heart. I am not the weight I lost or miles or ran and I am not the way I slept on my doorstep under the bare sky in smell of tears and whiskey because my apartment was empty and...
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Charlotte Eriksson
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
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Jeff Foxworthy
Death: "THERE ARE BETTER THINGS IN THE WORLD THAN ALCOHOL, ALBERT."Albert: "Oh, yes, sir. But alcohol sort of compensates for not getting them.
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Terry Pratchett
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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W.C. Fields
There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.
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Chelsea Handler
More Quotes By Craig Ferguson
The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. <span style="margin:15px; display:block"></span>Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute...
I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else's.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
People talk to old people like they're children.' Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
